Author Archives: White Sal

Telestial State Discusses Health Care with Mitt Romney at a Denny’s

Do as I say … not as I do!

Mitt Romney took the politically explosive issue of enforced health care and told Barack Obama to shove it up his ass. Romney’s challenge to the national health care plan, which would require citizens to purchase health insurance policies, was modeled on his own state’s health care plan which requires everyone to have health insurance or pay a $150 bond to guarantee coverage if they walk into a hospital.

Reversal of position or just screwing people from a new angle

Romney is contemplating a run at the presidency in 2012 and he knows how unpopular Obama’s health plan is with Americans. “The President doesn’t know shit about health care, “ Romney spits out as he glares at the thought of policy enforcement. “I did it in Massachusetts because those people have their heads so far up their asses, they can’t see the light of day. Obama ain’t gonna get away with it when it comes to smarter voters.”

What’s good for the goose isn’t good for the gander

“What I did in Massachusetts was take a stab at reducing overall health care costs for everyone,” Romney reminisces, “And what we got was a 25% increase in the costs of health care coverage by the state. The goddamn state was paying out 30% of its budget to cover health care issues for the state’s citizens, now they spend 40% of the budget doing the same thing … fucking dumb asses!” When asked why he would propose a program which would cost taxpayers even more money, not less, Romney replied, “Look, I took a shot at it and it blew up in my face. I can’t admit to doing something wrong, so when I’m in Massachusetts, I smile and tell everyone what a great deal it is, but when I’m anywhere else, I tell the truth … it sucks from top to bottom, front to back.”

Caught in the lie

Romney knows the mixed message regarding health care plans has been a point of confusion for many voters, both in Massachusetts and across the country. When asked about the polarizing effect of the health care plan implemented in his home state, Romney shrugs off the comparison. “Look, it’s simple. The citizens of Massachusetts didn’t know if they should shit or go blind,” Romney states. “When I came up with this whole thing, it seemed like a good idea. Now that it’s in place and running, it’s not as good an idea as I thought it would be, but what can I do? It was my plan, it’s failing, but I can’t focus on the negative. All I can do is try to avoid the same problem for the nation at large. And if people think I’m flip-flopping on the issue, what can I do? It’s not like Barack Obama isn’t a flip-flopper too! And he got elected President. So what’s the problem?”

Tempest in a tea cup

Mitt Romney has a broader view of the nation than just his experience in Massachusetts. “I took that whole Olympic shit hole and turned it into pure gold for the people of Utah,” Romney points out as he lights his third cigarette. “What’s up with that? If people can’t see I make miracles happen, most of the time, then they’re blind motherfuckers and who needs ‘em?” Pressed on the conflicts between his actions in Massachusetts and his condemnation of the President, Romney leans back in his chair and blows smoke rings before responding. “Dig this … what’s going in Massachusetts over this health care thing is like one-fiftieth of the whole deal, you know? Massachusetts is just one of 50 states and if things there are going into the shit basket because of the health care program I shoved down their throats, then they can damn well find someone else with a better deal and take it. Until then, they’re just a bunch of cry babies with nothin’ better to do than bitch about it … jag offs!”

Standing up to conclude the interview, Romney takes one last bite of his chicken-fried steak and signals a staffer to bring him a bottle of water and another cigarette. “Give me a call after I get elected,” he says over his shoulder as he steps into the limousine taking him to his next interview, “We’ll have lunch.”

Separation of the LDS Church and the LDS State? No Freakin’ Way!


“Many LDS lawmakers personally opposed the guest-worker legislation but believed they had to support it because of their allegiance — and deference — to church leaders. Without the presence of Mormon lobbyists, HB116 would have failed.” 

Salt Lake Tribune, April 29, 2011

There it is for the world to see. The LDS Church has lobbyists who tell Utah legislators what to do. And they do it, even though they personally think it is wrong to do, because their church tells them to do it. If this isn’t the clearest case of political influence by a religious organization, one can’t imagine what could be any clearer. But is this illegal or just unethical as hell? Many people are confused by the separation of Church and State. They point to the US Constitution and say it’s against the law to have churches involved in politics.

Where’s the Beef?

The truth is there is no specific clause of the US Constitution which stipulates the separation of church and state. “The concept of separation of church and state refers to the distance in the relationship between organized religion and the nation state. The term is an offshoot of the phrase, “wall of separation between church and state,” as written in Thomas Jefferson’s letter to the Danbury Baptists Association in 1802. The original text reads: “…I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should ‘make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,’ thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.” Jefferson reflected his frequent speaking theme that the government is not to interfere with religion. The phrase was quoted by the United States Supreme Court first in 1878, and then in a series of cases starting in 1947. Like many other governing principles, the phrase “separation of church and state” itself does not appear in the U.S. Constitution. The First Amendment to the Constitution states that:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

So if there is no actual, clear-cut statement in the US Constitution, what happens then? Church’s are respected by the citizens of the United States as centers of religious training, thought, and action. When religious organizations engage in business activities, their tax-exempt status is carefully guarded. Why?

The Word of the Lord our God – Internal Revenue Service Code

“To be tax-exempt under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code, an organization must be organized and operated exclusively for exempt purposes set forth in section 501(c)(3), and none of its earnings may inure to any private shareholder or individual. In addition, it may not be an action organization, i.e., it may not attempt to influence legislation as a substantial part of its activities and it may not participate in any campaign activity for or against political candidates.”

current IRS Tax Code

The Tax code further defines the tax exempt status, “In general, no organization may qualify for section 501(c)(3) status if a substantial part of its activities is attempting to influence legislation (commonly known as lobbying). A 501(c)(3) organization may engage in some lobbying, but too much lobbying activity risks loss of tax-exempt status.

Legislation includes action by Congress, any state legislature, any local council, or similar governing body, with respect to acts, bills, resolutions, or similar items (such as legislative confirmation of appointive office), or by the public in referendum, ballot initiative, constitutional amendment, or similar procedure. It does not include actions by executive, judicial, or administrative bodies.

An organization will be regarded as attempting to influence legislation if it contacts, or urges the public to contact, members or employees of a legislative body for the purpose of proposing, supporting, or opposing legislation, or if the organization advocates the adoption or rejection of legislation.

Organizations may, however, involve themselves in issues of public policy without the activity being considered as lobbying. For example, organizations may conduct educational meetings, prepare and distribute educational materials, or otherwise consider public policy issues in an educational manner without jeopardizing their tax-exempt status.”

What’s Up?

The question is simple. Does the LDS Church engage in “too much lobbying activity”? Having paid lobbyists working on all kinds of legislation on a regular basis tends to make the Church look like it is in violation of the Federal Tax Code. Certainly, the LDS Church engages in multitudes of other activities in which other churches get involved. However, in Utah, there are no lobbyists working for the Presbyterians or Baptists or Seventh-Day Adventists; only the LDS Church. There are lobbyists who represent all the faiths in Utah, but no other church has its own paid lobbying staff. Does that mean the LDS Church has violated the IRS Code?

A Brighter Future … Maybe

What would happen if the Feds cancelled the LDS Church’s tax exempt status? Money would flow. Taxes on property, inventory, sales, revenues, and all kinds of things would kick in. The State of Utah and Salt Lake City would start banking some serious cabbage. Las Vegas, the State of Florida, and everywhere else the Church operates its businesses would be faced with paying taxes. Given the size of the Church and value of its holdings,
the entire American economy could snap out of its doldrums and start chugging along again.

The truth can set us free … or at least, if not free, then it can set us up with some cash flow for a while. If the LDS Church chooses to engage in political action, then it is clearly violating the intent and spirit of the US Tax Code.

And that’s the truth.

The Inquisition of Rebecca Lockhart and Michael Waddoups: A Dramatic Interpretation

“Becky, Mike … so good of you to join us. Have a seat, please.”

“Yes … sir … I, uh …” Becky answered, unsure why she had been summoned.

“Thank you for having us, sir,” Michael said in response as he moved to the designated seat. “I wanted to ask …”

“Now’s not the time for that,” the voice in the darkness interrupted. “I’ve got … that is to say, we’ve got some questions only you can help us with.”

“Of course, sir,” Becky said as she straightened her dress and beamed a smile.

“Yes, of course,” Mike chimed in.

“We were just wondering what was going on,” the dark voice stated more than asked.

“Going on?” Mike asked, employing his always present rapier-like wit.

“I don’t understa …” Becky started to say before being cut off again.

“With the legislature,” the voice finished.

“What? I don’t understa …” Becky repeated herself.

“The legislature?” Mike interrupted with incredulity. “There’s nothing going on that …”

“Time is valuable,” the voice stated flatly. “And we don’t have any to waste with self-serving denials of truth.”

Becky and Mike gazed toward each other for a few moments before turning back toward the voice.

“Haven’t you been given all the necessary pieces?” the voice asked. “And authority?”

“Uh … well … uh, yeah.” Mike stumbled.

“What? I don’t understa … ” Becky added.

“And you understand how important it is to keep things quiet?” the voice continued with elevated volume.

“Uh … well … uh, yeah,” Mike repeated.

“Yeah, but I don’t understa …” Becky offered.

“Then why do we have our own people … OUR OWN PEOPLE!” the voice made no attempt to disguise its anger and frustration.

Becky and Mike cringed as though being chastised in the school Principal’s office.

“Excuse me, brother … sister,” the voice apologized. “I’ve been under a lot of stress lately with this whole City Creek thing …”

Becky and Mike stole a quick glance at each other before re-focusing on their unseen inquisitor.

“Look, sir, if you’re concerned about the brother who told the media about the Church giving him direct orders about that stupid, little …”

“Stupid?” the voice asked. “Little?”

“You know … I mean it wasn’t really …” Mike tripped in the middle of his explanatory apology.

“Be quiet,” the voice commanded. “You’re here to listen. And I suggest you listen well.”

Audible gulps slid down Mike and Becky’s throats in unison.

“This can’t happen.” The voice said. “It exposes what we’ve spent decades hiding.”

Becky and Mike kept their eyes on the voice. Each knew what hung in the balance.

“Everyone here knows we must remain benign and aloof. Plausible deniability. As two of the chosen, you understand what we risk here.”

Sweat beads began forming at the front and sides of Mike’s forehead. Becky remained calm and composed … despite a mild, occasional flutter affecting her left eye.

“Brother … sister,” the voice assuaged its victims, “These are important times and you both play important roles. Celestial balance and ascension are our goal. We must keep our thoughts and emotions focused on the prize.”

“Of course,” Mike said with a contemplative nod.

“Yeah, but I don’t understa …” Becky said.

“It’s all about control,” the voice sliced in before Becky could finish. “We must maintain complete and unquestioned control. Right?”

Lesson learned, each politician shifted uneasily in their seat.

“So let’s have no more of these … incidents. Shall we?” the voice half-begged, half-commanded.

“Uh, no … of course not … I personally guarantee you, sir …” Mike began reassuring the voice.

“Yeah, but I don’t understa …” Becky finished.

“Yes, I knew I could count on you,” the voice finished. “So we will consider the matter concluded.”

“Uh, yeah … sure … but I’d like to ..” Mike began to say as his chair was pulled from under him so fast he almost dropped to the floor.

“Yeah, but I don’t understa…” Becky chimed in as her chair received the same treatment.

“See you Sunday,” the voice dismissed the two startled politicians.

As the two politicians stepped out onto the sidewalk and into the sunlight of a bright, Spring day, they looked at each other, winked, and put on their best smile for all the world to see.

To Be Continued…

Utah Repeals U.S. Constitution, Cites Irreconcilable Differences

Legislators in Utah’s vaunted state government have declared war on the U.S . Constitution – again! Back in 1857, Utah turned its nose up to the United States, declaring the creation of the land of Zion to be free of any government except its own. Once again, 150 years later, Utah’s legislature has determined the US Constitution to be in error and the legislature is ready to begin its own negotiations with foreign governments on the issue of immigration.

Despite being specifically prohibited from negotiating or enacting treaties with foreign governments, (see US Constitution, Article 1, Section 10, paragraph 1, which states “No State shall enter into any Treaty, Alliance, or Confederation; grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal; coin Money; emit Bills of Credit; make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts; pass any Bill of Attainder, ex post facto Law, or Law impairing the Obligation of Contracts, or grant any Title of Nobility.”) the Utah Legislature has cut a deal with the state of Nuevo Laredo in Mexico with respect to establishing a “Guest Worker” program.

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder is bewildered and confused with respect to this declaration of independence by Utah lawmakers. “Don’t these dumb asses read the Constitution?” Holder asked when confronted with this latest affront to the US government. “I heard about these idiots wanting to make their own money and coins, but this one really takes the cake! Next thing you know, they’re gonna want to have a state gun or some such nonsense!”

“We don’t need no stinkin’ USCIS,” Becky Lockhart, Speaker of the Utah House of Representatives was recently quoted as saying during another legislative closed-door session dealing with 1st Amendment restrictions in Utah. “I don’t know who these government sycophants are… telling us what to do in our own state!”

“Utah citizens are citizens of Utah first,” Michael Waddoups, Utah State Senate Majority Leader declared. “The United States government has never represented our needs, interests, or culture in matters of legislative responsibility. If they won’t do it, then we will!”

“By being able to bring in and employ guest workers from Mexico, Utahns will enjoy a better standard of living,” LDS Church Prophet and President Thomas S. Monson adds. “Everyone knows Mexicans will do all the things we don’t want to. And that makes life better and easier to live for the rest of us. Thank goodness they don’t mind doing shit work, otherwise, we’d have to assign returned missionaries or church custodians to do this kind of work. Now, we have an unlimited supply of under-educated, illiterate, and willing workers whose dirt poor standards of living won’t cut into any Utahn’s higher living standard.”

“You know,” Monson continues, with a wink, “We never really wanted to be a part of the United States since the beginning. We just thought a policy of going along to get along was best until we had the infrastructure, financing, devoted citizen base, and old boy network that would permit this separation to take place successfully.”

Burn, Baby, Burn!

Burn, Baby, Burn!
A new wave of conservatism has announced itself in the free-thinking state of Utah. It’s the Book Burning party. They burn books, they burn the authorities … hell, they burn each other! They’re committed to the concept that all men are not created equal (women even less so) and those who don’t measure up with their words should be destroyed. Calling on socially-solidifying acts like book burnings, these hearty outlanders want to send a clear message to those whose liberal, free-thinking ways are not in lock-step with their own marching orders.

Book Burners Unite
It takes a strong commitment to restrained thought and controlled actions for anarchists and arsonists to strike the match of religious indignation. Mainstream, modern thought is no hindrance to the religious soldiers fighting on the front lines of fascism and radical social degeneration. They call on all supporters of limited thought and religious repression. These vaunted protectors of ignorance and sublimation have found a new rallying cry.

Torching the Truth
The thought of finding new concepts, ideas, and perceptions is an abomination before Heavenly Father and all that works against the celestially-centered is anathema for these Followers of Fire. This new political group has chosen the name “Burning Brethren” and cite their ecclesiastical mandate to cleanse the world of all thoughts and ideas counter to their mandate of abstention from learning and understanding.

Let Us Gather at the Fireside
Like so many of their predecessors, the Burning Brethren have chosen to isolate themselves from modern excesses, choosing instead to revert back to a simpler, more propagandized time when people followed religious leaders without question or comment. No critical voices are allowed in their highly-ordered world and the resultant silence provides the foundation for complicity. “Never mind clothing or hairstyles, it’s what’s inside that counts and the more barren the vessel, the better its ability to be filled with righteousness,” stated one of the group’s followers holding a hot dog to the flames. Together, the Brethren have learned to remain ostracized from mainstream thought and culture.

“All We Want is to Be Left Alone”
According to the testimony of Brother Conflagration, known affectionately as “Mr. Matchstick” amongst his flock of followers, the Burning Brethren have no desire for social intercourse with others. “We just feel our way of thinking and our desire to limit the intellectual capacity of our congregation helps serve Heavenly Father. No one can question His authority and dominion over our people when they can’t write or think properly. This serves His purposes for us.” When asked what he feels is the most compelling reason to emolliate epistles, Brother Conflagration states, “Anything that runs counter to our beliefs and ways is a threat that must be dealt with inside of Heavenly Father’s laws … so we burn, just like others have done over the ages”.

One Gospel, One Heart, One Brain
Members of the Brethren point to the mantra they often recite when undertaking a burning, “One gospel, one heart, one brain”. When asked what this means, Sister Scorch, aka “Heavenly Father’s Flamethrower”, speaks up with conviction. “We don’t need to understand Heavenly Father. Our leaders do that for us. All we need to do is what they tell us and everything will be fine. It saves us from having to do all that thinking and reading and such. This way we can spend our time on the really important stuff in life.”

Future Plans
When asked about the future for the Brethren, the leader says there’s much yet to be done. “When Heavenly Father tells me to burn something or someone, I don’t ask why, I just do it. And from what Heavenly Father says, there’s lots of things that need a good old-fashioned burnin’ out there!” Brother Conflagration sees opportunity in many places. “Those White Supremacists and Klu Klux Klan guys got nothing on us … we’re gonna set them straight and then we’re gonna move on to the more mainstream people, like televangelists and Baptists,” he says with conviction as he tosses a copy of Tom Sawyer onto the pile. “When we get done here,” he says with a smile, “We’re gonna go find us some of them liberal politicians and teach ‘em good about getting’ tarred and feathered!”