Tag Archives: bedazzled jello molds

Governor Monson Says Hells Yes to Illegals

Since January the issue of illegal immigration laws in Utah have been an off again on again hot topic. And as debate rose in the legislature, out popped local government’s kissing cousin: the LDS church.  Out of the mist Mormon Mafioso’s present the gullible people of Utah with the “Immigration Response”. The latest press release outlines all the ways citizens should justify overlooking ‘illegal’ and embracing the more gentle  term ‘out-of-towners’. These friendly spokespeople will ask local Senators to fashion an immigration bill that reflected the church’s interests and then send out a drove of lobbyists bedazzled with jello molds, funeral potatoes and Jordan almonds to woo voters. And if that isn’t enough to entice support, Governor Monson’s lackeys will bring out the secret weapon: GUILT! Did you know that if you don’t support the passing of House Bill 116 you:

  1. Have broken the commandment of ‘Love Thy Neighbor’
  2. Have complete disregard for the sanctity of the family unit

As a result, you will undoubtedly have to answer to local church officials and will face possible excommunication…

Thankfully church puppet Gary Herbert has announced the passing of this important piece of legislation, and at a press release, after picking the last corn flake potato from his teeth, some swear he said something about green cards for converts and permanent citizenship for current temple recommend holders. God bless this great state!